I don’t take on litigated divorce & family cases. You know, the kind of court battle where Mom & Dad both hire lawyers, and spend a bunch of time, money and physical and emotional energy fighting about money, retirement plan division, the house, who hurt who the most, who was right and who was wrong, time with the kids, who makes decisions about the kids, and everything else that needs to be decided in a divorce.
Over & Done With Is More Valuable Than Winning.
I spent my legal career up until recently as a trial lawyer. Most of that practice was defending lawsuits, in an adversarial system, where the incentives seemed to be intended to increase conflict by trying to “win.” When I had family cases or divorce cases, people wanted to win those too. Divorces, especially with children, aren’t about winning. What I learned over that period of time is that almost every client wants the lawsuit to be done. Over. Completed. Finished. Final.
Winning wasn’t really on the client’s list of important things. Clients wanted to know that their home would be secure. They wanted to know that they could still support their families. They didn’t want to be found guilty, and sent to jail. Jail isn’t a result of a civil lawsuit, but it was on most client’s lists of “things I do not want to happen.”
Litigation Does Damage. Mediation Can Be A Fresh Start.
During those years as a trial lawyer, I learned that being a part of a lawsuit is hard on everyone. Litigation hurts the parties AND the attorneys. The conflict, and the fear of losing the things that are most important makes people into somebody they are not: angry, afraid, uncertain, hostile, reactive, depressed, and sometimes physically ill. It happens to the lawyers, too.
After nearly 25 years of lawsuits, and researching and working to find better ways of dealing with conflict, I now have a practice where I don’t go into court to do battle. My new tools are mediation and facilitation. I help people navigate through conflict, to find a result that allows them to achieve peace and calm. And as a collaborative lawyer, I help people resolve all the issues before they go to court.
If you have questions about whether there might be a way for you to avoid a battle, contact me. We can talk.
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